We’ve got gifts, my lord we got gifts. We try to be charitable because we’ve got em in spades.

But we’ve got to learn to go where our gifts can be gotten, because there is nothing like being gotten after a lifetime of not being gotten. Shit you could say sometimes we give our gifts and love to people who intentionally try to misunderstand us and distort our sense of self by proxy.

there’s nothing quite like a life spent in the void of being kept at arms length, a life spent persevering through unneeded futility relationally. At a certain point trying to earn the admiration, respect and trust of people who dangle love like a carrot at the end of a stick is self harm.

And there’s enough pain in this life, enough struggle we don’t need the pain of trying to be loved by people that don’t have the capacity to love or get us to the capacity we deserve to be gotten.

We associate love with futility, color it learned, liken it to karma, describe it as ancestral trauma. And maybe that’s the greater purpose is to learn to give our gifts to the people who want our gifts in the first place. 🎁

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I feel ashamed of these words, I feel self righteous with these words. But im trying to learn to express and trust the message unabashedly.

Color me radically self expressed color, me radical self accepted.

I love me dearly, I hope you love you dearly